The first 33 years of childhood are always the hardest

My birthday party was a total blast and a great success! I enjoyed it so much that I completely forgot to take pictures. Everything was perfect. All my friends were there. Everyone was talking, drinking and having fun.

Now I am starting into a new year of my life. I believe that this year will be full of change.

The past years I was working on getting back my old shape, but now I am ready for new adventures. I want to spread my arms and hug life. The times of misery are finally over.

I am working very hard and I am planning to tackle new projects and revive old ones. There is one I am especially excited about. But it is still too early to go into details.

Let’s just say I am seeing a bright future full of excitement ahead and I think this is the best way to start a new year of life.

Happy Birthday to me!

Embrace the Drama

Who said I didn’t like drama? I know it was me, but I guess I didn’t mean it.

Drama gives great gossip and it can revive you when you feel like a dead person. So drama is not entirely bad.

I would even say drama adds spice to the life.

Face it: Human beings have feelings and occasionally they collide with each other. This is when drama happens.

I tried the drama free lifestyle, but I must say that it is really dull and deprived of feelings.

Maybe I am addicted to strong feelings. It can be love, it can be pain, it can be anger. But having these feelings makes me feel alive.

Now I don’t run around and try to get my feelings hurt. Though that might be an interesting strategy. Most of us are trying to avoid getting hurt at all costs.

This is the sign you waited for to try the opposite: Take that risk! Go out and get your feelings hurt! Embrace the drama!

Don’t wait for destiny to hit you. Because it will do that anyways and you will be not ready for it. Because we never are.

Dare to give up

It’s been a while, since we talked the last time. I hope you still remember me. I am the girl who tried to be a professional bellydancer and from what I can tell you now, I failed miserably and I am not going to recover in that domain. But wait. How did I get here?

The last year has been VERY bad for me. I had a nervous breakdown and spent the whole summer in hospital. I had to give up on my self-employment. I gave up all my hope and lived in total despair for quite a while. Now I am getting better and start dreaming again and have a vision of a better future for me.

I am not sure where my life will go, but one thing is sure: I don’t want to be a belly dancer anymore. I am completely done with that topic. Fed up. I have been disappointed so many times, that I cannot enjoy this anymore. I need to find something new to work on.

Long story short: I quit. I give up. I can’t do this anymore. I don’t enjoy dancing anymore and I can’t pretend that I do.

I am still interested in Arabic culture and I am still learning the Arabic language. I am starting to enjoy my life again and I feel better without the dance. Maybe it was never a true passion of mine, maybe I just did it, because it became a routine. It gave my ambitions a way to be embraced. It gave me something to be completely absorbed in. It gave me something to work on, something that I thought about most of the time.

But that is over. I can’t hear it anymore. I don’t want to see it anymore and I don’t want to do it anymore.

Please don’t tell me, that I need to try harder, that one should never give up on dreams, cause maybe that dream wasn’t mine. Maybe sometimes you change and you don’t want to pursue something that you liked before.

I feel that there is a big pressure on people to be successful with something and to keep going no matter what happens. Believe me, I am the Queen of not-giving-up. I tried it for so many years. I worked so hard. I pushed myself to the limits. And I didn’t see that there is no perspective and I am heading nowhere.

I will be happy to say, that I was an ambitious belly dancer in my youth. Of course I am still young. But I will work on other projects now. Weekly blog posts intended.

Thoughtful Regrets

I thought I found love.
I thought I found God.
But it was nothing and now it is gone.

Never compromise! It’s a trap

I am extremely talented and I want to live all my passions! I don’t care what you think about it. I don’t need you to like who I am or what I do.

Just step out of my way, will you?

Maybe I am more talented than all of you together. Maybe not. It’s not your business. I will not let you pull me down on your level!