Yesterday I found a piece of your heart. I think you lost it in Berlin.
I have it in my pocket now taking it everywhere. It is safe with me.
It was lost and lonely, but I found it!
Actually that’s wrong! It is MY heart! I just wanted to share it with you.
I wanted to share EVERYTHING with you.
Now I will drop it in the lake. Maybe some day some one will come who can see it’s actual worth!
He will surely know where to find it!
I did it!
I feel so relieved.
Again I am full of fear and doubt. But I don’t feel comfortable to talk about it. I was sick and spend most of the day in bed. Half dreaming, half waking. I don’t want to be alone.
I don’t want to live like this.
I am scared. I am upset. I feel very small and irrelevant.
I don’t want to suffer. I don’t want to cry anymore.
I don’t know how to get out of this. I don’t know what to do.
I don’t know why I am writing you…
I am not afraid of your darkness. I am safe in it. I am not afraid of your silence. I am heard in it. I am not afraid of your power. I am protected by it. I am not afraid of your passion. I am carried by it. I am not afraid of your dominance. I am guided by it. I am not afraid of your aggressiveness. I am softened by it.
Fire cannot destroy water!
When you left, the music stopped. Yes, it stopped. Now everything around me is silence.
You were my melody. I heard it all the time. I felt it from inside you.
Wherever I went, whatever I did, your music was with me.
It started when I woke up and was with me all the day. It even followed me into my dreams.
Now you’re gone and I am surrounded by silence. I can’t hear your heartbeat and I can’t feel your breathe.
It’s so quite. All around me is silence.
Leila Yuliyah 