Again I am full of fear and doubt. But I don’t feel comfortable to talk about it. I was sick and spend most of the day in bed. Half dreaming, half waking. I don’t want to be alone.
I don’t want to live like this.
I am scared. I am upset. I feel very small and irrelevant.
I don’t want to suffer. I don’t want to cry anymore.
I don’t know how to get out of this. I don’t know what to do.
I don’t know why I am writing you…
I think I lost my mind in that dark room. But I feel so much better without it.
If you would never speak a word with me again I would still love you forever, because I love you for who you are and not for what you do.
Good Morning, lovely people.
Today I feel like I want to run away from everything.
All the things that I am dreaming of seem so far away. All the challenges that I happily accepted two days ago look like huge and scary obstacles now, while I feel extremely small and weak and powerless.
At the same time I think that I have no right to complain. It was me who chose this path. It’s my very own dream, that I am living. My self-chosen destiny.
Having bad feelings about my big dream feels like betraying myself.
Yet I feel bad. And I am scared. I don’t know what to do and I don’t know where this all leads. I want to hide myself and not go out again repeating the lines of Placebo:
Protect me from what I want!