Again I am full of fear and doubt. But I don’t feel comfortable to talk about it. I was sick and spend most of the day in bed. Half dreaming, half waking. I don’t want to be alone.
I don’t want to live like this.
I am scared. I am upset. I feel very small and irrelevant.
I don’t want to suffer. I don’t want to cry anymore.
I don’t know how to get out of this. I don’t know what to do.
I don’t know why I am writing you…
I am really afraid of butterflies! They are so pretty and fragile, moving freely through the air. Peaceful creatures who’d never hurt anyone. They scare me so much!
I am so scared that I might hurt them when they come closer to me! I don’t want to break their wings. I don’t want to destroy them. Whenever I see one, I try to avoid it and go far away!
My life would surely be more beautiful with butterflies. But I really don’t know how I could make their life any more beautiful. For them I’m probably just another roadhouse on their way to heaven.
Good Morning, lovely people.
Today I feel like I want to run away from everything.
All the things that I am dreaming of seem so far away. All the challenges that I happily accepted two days ago look like huge and scary obstacles now, while I feel extremely small and weak and powerless.
At the same time I think that I have no right to complain. It was me who chose this path. It’s my very own dream, that I am living. My self-chosen destiny.
Having bad feelings about my big dream feels like betraying myself.
Yet I feel bad. And I am scared. I don’t know what to do and I don’t know where this all leads. I want to hide myself and not go out again repeating the lines of Placebo:
Protect me from what I want!
Trying something new
Leaving my comfort zone